Chicago Dogs

If you have never been to Chicago, these dogs should be on your list of foods to try. Particularly delightful in the summertime, the Windy City turns scrap meat into an art form. Each ingredient is carefully selected and placed on the dog, resulting in a pleasurable combination in every bite.
Here is my humble attempt. (Note -- for a true dog, the relish should be bright green, and there should be peppers on top.)

Tetelestai!

Think back eight years. What were you doing then? How has life changed for you in these past 8 years.
My past 8 years has included most of high school, all of college, and a year in the real world. Talk about a life-changing experience! Yet through these past 8 years, the burden of The Exam has been on me. It hasn’t always been a heavy burden. But it comes and goes. Sometimes in the back of my mind, sometimes in the forefront, sometimes taking it over entirely and running with it the subject of a different blog.
But now the exam is done. Words cannot describe the elation I felt. At least in English. The Greek tetelestai (te-TELL-es-tie) fits aptly. Someone famous used that phrase once – what he went through before uttering the word makes my 5 months of stress seem like heaven. Even that word couldn’t start describing the elation he went through when “It is finished” (the English translation of the 3rd person singular, perfect active indicative of teleo).
The small group crew went out to eat afterwards to celebrate. Walking across town felt so freeing – I’m not doing flash cards now. And God knows if I’ll ever have to do them again. The weather felt like it would storm – so what? The exam is done! I don’t know exactly where this eatery is – so what? The exam is done! That mantra became my response to any problem encountered. A couple weeks later, some of the adrenaline has worn off. But the joy hasn’t. What if, as Christians, our response to personal difficulties would be – so what? Christ has died for my sins and I’ll spend an eternity with him!
Many people have asked me what I’ll do with myself after the exam is over. That is a very legitimate question. As much as actuaries might sometimes dislike taking exams, they do provide discipline and order to one’s life, a sense that one’s time is spent in a worthwhile endeavor. My initial response mentions the 50-item list of “opportunities after exam” formerly called “to-do list after exam,” but that title was too discouraging. This fairly broad list, created sporadically and wishfully throughout the study process, encompasses a wide array of activities, from taking classes to reading books to visiting people to blogging.
God has provided so many opportunities in life. Perhaps he will stick something in my face and ask me: “Go, do this.” Sometimes he works that way. Oftentimes, though, he gives us opportunities and it is our responsibility to initiate and pursue them, actively seeking his will.
Readers, I have some questions and a request for you. Most of you haven’t taken these exams, but maybe you are wrestling with some of these same questions. What have you come up with? How do you balance leisure and productivity outside of a highly-structured environment? How do you seek relevant ways to serve the Kingdom while making time for friends and family and having fun?
The request has to do with accountability. While I am attempting to wrestle with these dilemmas, actively engaging in life, there is also something in me which wants to plop down on the futon all evening, doing nothing, thinking about nothing. So as readers who also know me in real life, you are not only welcome but encouraged at any point to ask me how I’m doing with this, what I’m going through now, etc. Regardless of how it’s actually going, I’ll probably figure out a somewhat honest answer which will make you happy. But the shrewd ones among you are, well, shrewd.
Speaking of shrewd, can you spot my newly-graduated sister in the crowd?

Avoid all extremes

The year is half over. Thank you all for putting up with me these past 5 months. I haven't been myself much lately.
Studying for actuarial exams is quite a bit more difficult in the "real world" than in college or even high school. The strain was compounded by isolation. The Kohelet (Teacher) writes: "Do not be overrighteous, neither be overwise-- why destroy yourself? Do not be overwicked, and do not be a fool-- why die before your time? It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other. The man who fears God will avoid all extremes." (Ecclesiastes 7:16-18)
Hopefully in reading this, you can prevent my errors from coming up in your life. Or, maybe more realistically, if someday you find similar symptoms within you, you will have a frame of reference for processing your situation.

I really wanted to pass this exam. Getting it behind me, the rarity of passing all the actuarial tests the first time, a big FSA raise, moving on with life, personal accomplishment -- what's not to like? A certain very wise man often said, "If something is worth doing, it's worth doing poorly."[sic] Hey, just because someone is wiser than I can ever hope to be, it doesn't mean everything they say is divinely inspired. If you know me, you know that isn't my philosophy. I can be rather forgetful at times, but if I put my mind to something, it better be done well. That personality trait can be both a blessing and a curse.
Getting back to the exam -- studying was going well. I was putting my 20 hours (Edit: per week) in (addition to work, of course). The exam is getting closer -- let's try for 30 hours. Only a couple more months -- let's try 40. It's only a month now -- can we get 50? You can probably see where this is going. In the thick of it all, I couldn't. I started getting irritable. Multiple people asked me: "Ben, is that really you? Did you just say that? That doesn't sound like you." Studying started becoming less efficient -- I would stare at a page and realize an hour later that I wasn't any further along. Drifting away from my support system -- family, Northwestern, small group, close friends only served to compound the struggles. Feet issues which kept me indoors (rather than memorizing flashcards walking down Lake Michigan) didn't help either.
So what do you do in a situation like this? Even upon coming to a realization that something might be going wrong, I didn't have much time to think about the problem. There was The Sacred Study Schedule. And not extra time in the day to sit and think. Even if there was time, I was already stressed out and my mental facilities were taxed so as to render judgment difficult.

God gives us many blessings in life. Good friends. Psychology experts. Fellow actuaries who have been-there-done-that. All these people provided much needed advice. Take a break (I took an evening off and went to Devon to eat Indian with a friend, skipping over that day's Sacred Study Schedule entirely). Break the walking up to keep your feet happy (walking for 5 minutes then sitting for 5 minutes is still 10 minutes of flashcard time, and the fresh air did me well). Don't get too caught up in your study schedule and memorizing everything (you mean if I don't quite memorize my 4 pages per day, it doesn't necessarily mean I'll utterly fail?).

The exam came and went, and it went well. Real well. But that is a different post.

Reader feedback has indicated a desire for more pictures. So if you've been able to plow through all this text, here's a picture for you. It is at a Twins game at US Cellular field, during one of the study breaks.

How to tell if you need a new computer

1. The "new" hard drive has crashed.
2. It takes about 4 minutes to boot.
3. The power cord buzzes.
4. The operating system is 2 versions behind the current technology.
5. The low battery light is flashing -- even when it's fully charged.
6. Your suitcase is lighter than your computer bag.
7. You find yourself exclusively using your cell phone's internet because even that is quicker than the computer.
8. Edit You re-read your 2-year old post on getting a new computer, and you are still using the old one.